Another BBQ!

We ate sausages with lime.

All my friends wondered how close I can get without getting burned.  It's a metaphor for how I live my life.

The guacamole was a hit.

Tomato puree.

And cut cakes of course.

Everyone loves cut cakes!!!

Food Trucks

Everybody pretty much loves food trucks, right?
If  you live in a city then you know that you can get good gourmet food out of trucks on the street!  Maybe in your neighborhood you have a taco truck or an expensive organic ice cream truck or a donut truck or a...don't even make me say it...cupcakes for sale out of a truck!

You need to know that I have chased one down the street before.  I was screaming at it too.
-Meet me at the next block!  I want two of those cupcakes dude!
And I don't even care that people were staring at me.

You also need to know that I came up with the idea for fancy food trucks.  Basically I would tell people all the time since I was five and buying ice cream from the ice cream man that if people just sold more things out of trucks it would be a big hit.

You're welcome.

Turtle Burgers

Sorry I have not been writing for you lately.  My latest project was turtle burgers.  Not with real turtle meat!  I made them with ground beef, bacon, and hot dogs.

Baked for 30 min at 400*

They are cute, right?

The only problem is that I food poisoned myself and my neighbors, Kyle and Allison, who I invited over for dinner.

I had really bad diahreeha for two days.  I'm fine now but it took me a while to be able to write about the turtle burgers.

V-Log (Vagina Monologue)

Hey y'all!
Sorry to keep you waiting for this post.  It is just that vaginas are a very delicate and sensitive subject and I wanted to make sure everything was just right so I lit some candles and I'm playing Sinéad O'Connor and I'm drinking a glass of Merlot.

(side note: My friend told me that after the movie Sideways came out, sales of Merlot dropped because the character Miles was talking bad about Merlot.  People are so easily influenced to like or not like something because they want to seem cool or not feel ashamed of who they really are.)

OK well I am gonna step aside and let my vagina do all the talking from now on.

Mostly I just want to get this thing pregnant.  That is what I'm fucking here for.  (No pun intended.)  
And I will tell you why:  so when Deliah is all pregnant, people in New York City will actually make eye contact with her and smile at her like real human beings and she will get so much attention.  Men will be inspired to be gentlemen and offer their seats to her and carry her bag and maybe ask her if she wants a granola bar.

And she can eat a dozen cut cakes at a time and giggle and say "Preggers!"  And she can wear really cute and sexy maternity clothes and she can shop for tiny baby clothes and shoes and then blog about how cute all her baby clothes are and how she is sooo pregnant, and probably the first woman in the world to be sooo pregnant, and update her Facebook everyday, up to 10 times a day!, to tell you all about the weird things her body is doing with the alien life growing inside of her.  And then she can have the baby and blog about that.   


Also, she can tear through Manhattan with her baby in the stroller and knock people over and then yell at them for being in her way and don't they see she has a baby and don't they know she is entitled to the whole sidewalk, your seat, and your snack.  That's right.  She'll make you give her your seat and your snack for her baby.  Because Deliah and her baby will be the most important human beings in the world.

Vaginas are magic!!!  Babies are the future!!!

~ Q & A ~

I got 2 questions from readers and I will answer them here.

The first is from Carla and she asks: Do you V-log?

Answer:
Ok, I don't even know what V-log is but I think it has to do with Vagina Monologues.  I read it once but I have never done a V-log myself.  That is a great idea Carla.  Thanks and I will do a Vagina Monologue for my next post.


The second question is from Alice who makes all the ceramics in Brooklyn and she wants to know my favorite color because she wants to make a special plate.

Answer:
WHAT?????!!!!!!!!!  Special plate, what?
I love all shades of greens and natural colors (you can tell by my blog design that I am very into nature).

I will have to make Alice some cut cakes or something very nice.


To be continued...

I'm what they call a "Foodie"

I go to a lot of restaurants and love to try new things which is so easy and fun for me sins I work in Manhattan.  I'm good at eating.
I am also good at cooking and talking about food.  I really know my stuff.  I read so many food blogs and there are so many other food experts out there like me.    

OK, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
What I will do to get the best recipes is go to a restaurant and the nicer the restaurant the better.  I will look at the menu sometimes you do not even have to go inside cuz they post it outside of the main door.  I find out what they are making and what ingredients they use and then I go shopping and buy those same ingredients.  It is like having the best chefs in the world giving me their recipes.

I made this Pita Pizza using the ingredients from a pasta dish from a very high-end Italian Restarant.  Try not to drool all over your shirt.

CUT CAKES

There is a lady names Alice making ceramics in Brooklyn and I looked at her website and now I want some new bowls and a teapot.  But she left me a comment from last time and asked why my cupcakes are not round...

Well thats cuz I only have a cake pan and not a pan for cupcakes.  So I just make my cupcakes that way but I guess I should call them Cut Cakes cuz that is what they are.