Hey y'all!
Sorry to keep you waiting for this post. It is just that vaginas are a very delicate and sensitive subject and I wanted to make sure everything was just right so I lit some candles and I'm playing Sinéad O'Connor and I'm drinking a glass of Merlot.
(side note: My friend told me that after the movie Sideways came out, sales of Merlot dropped because the character Miles was talking bad about Merlot. People are so easily influenced to like or not like something because they want to seem cool or not feel ashamed of who they really are.)
OK well I am gonna step aside and let my vagina do all the talking from now on.
Mostly I just want to get this thing pregnant. That is what I'm fucking here for. (No pun intended.)
And I will tell you why: so when Deliah is all pregnant, people in New York City will actually make eye contact with her and smile at her like real human beings and she will get so much attention. Men will be inspired to be gentlemen and offer their seats to her and carry her bag and maybe ask her if she wants a granola bar.
And she can eat a dozen cut cakes at a time and giggle and say "Preggers!" And she can wear really cute and sexy maternity clothes and she can shop for tiny baby clothes and shoes and then blog about how cute all her baby clothes are and how she is sooo pregnant, and probably the first woman in the world to be sooo pregnant, and update her Facebook everyday, up to 10 times a day!, to tell you all about the weird things her body is doing with the alien life growing inside of her. And then she can have the baby and blog about that.
Also, she can tear through Manhattan with her baby in the stroller and knock people over and then yell at them for being in her way and don't they see she has a baby and don't they know she is entitled to the whole sidewalk, your seat, and your snack. That's right. She'll make you give her your seat and your snack for her baby. Because Deliah and her baby will be the most important human beings in the world.
Vaginas are magic!!! Babies are the future!!!
